Disorders
by Navirra
Summary: Sideswipe, with nothing better to do, decides to play self-proclaimed psychologist. So, with the help of the internet, a cracked Data-pad and his twin's not-so-nice, snarky remarks, he's going to annoy his superiors. Or that one story where Red Alert and Sunsteaker are besties and apparently swap blackmail material.


**Author Note: This story talks about personality disorders, so i'm sorry if that offends anyone. I'm also sorry if anyone is out of charater. (I hope not)**

**Disclaimer: Transformers G1 belongs to Hasbro. Wikipedia belongs to its owner, who is not me.**

**Hope you enjoy. :)**

* * *

><p>Disorders<p>

By Navirra

Sideswipe pranced into the Rec room, soon followed by Sunstreaker. Just without the prancing.

"Ah, just the mechs I wanted to see!" The prankster greeted.

Prowl, Red Alert and Ratchet looked up at the twins and exchange worried glances. Prowl's look turned stern "No."

"No to what?" asked Sideswipe in fake surprise.

"No to whatever you have planed."

"Aww, Why do you always act like I'm up to something." He asked innocently.

Ratchet scoffed, "Because you usually are, if not all the time."

"Well, I _was_ up to something earlier... But, I have something more important to tell you about!" The red mech stopped for a dramatic paused, "Your _diagnosis_"

Prowl's door wings twitched, Red Alert looked frightened and Ratchet just laughed.

"Now Sideswipe, maybe you should leave the diagnoses to me, we wouldn't want your head to start hurting from all those big words."

"Oh, that's okay. Because of all the times you bashed my head in with medical equipment, it's immune to pain now." He replied, giving the medic a cocky grin.

"Oh snap!" Sunstreaker leaned away from the wall that he had been standing by only seconds before. "You know that's youngling abuse?"

"So you admit that your both younglings?"

"Nah, just Sides." You could heard the other twin shout a _'Hey!'_ in the background.

Amused, Ratchet said "But, he's your twin."

"Shut-up, don't remind me."

"Oh, I love you too." Sideswipe said teasingly

Sunstreaker reached over to his twin through their bond. ~ _Sides._~

~ _Yes? _~ The other twin responded automatically.

~ _What are you up to?_ ~

~_ You'll see. _~ Sideswipe sent a burst of mischievousness thought the bond.

~ _Oh come on!_ ~

Sideswipe then pulled a data pad out of his subspace. It was in rough condition and the screen was slightly cracked. No doubt that it contained most of his pranks.

Prowl got up and walked quickly towards the exit. He felt someone put their hands on his shoulders. Sideswipe. Then Sideswipe by roughly pushing him, guided Prowl back to the seat he was once sitting at.

"They say the first step to being sexually harassed is when someone puts their hand on the others shoulder." Ratchet whispered to Red Alert.

"What?!" He shrieked. "Prowl, Watch out!"

The police car glared over at the medic.

"Now, now. Prowl there nothing to be afraid off, see Red is still here. If there were something, Red Alert would be already activating the security protocol." Sideswipe chimed in oblivious to the conversation that took place between the Security Director and the Chief Medical Officer.

Prowl turned his glared to him, "I'm not afraid of anything, I simply have better things to do then this."

"Like paper work?"

"Exactly."

Ratchet looked at Sunstreaker who was busying himself by checking for smudge marks on his person. Sunstreaker feeling like someone was watching him, stopped and glanced up. His optics met with Ratchet's.

"Don't blame me for his idiotic moments. I'm his twin, not his sparkling-sitter." Sunstreaker mumbled putting his hands up in defense.

Sideswipe winked at brother, which Sunstreaker returned with a smirk and a wave of his hand.

In a swift movement the red twin slipped into one of the open seats. "So, let's get started, shall we?"

"So where did you retrieve the information to discover these 'diagnosis'?" Ratchet questioned.

"On wikipeadia "

He shook his head, "That site is unreliable. Your information might not even be correct, anyone can edit the site. "

"Nuhun. It's all true, and I can prove it."

"Show me."

"Hey, stop changing subject!"

Ratchet put his hand to his chest in mock-modesty, "Me? Why I'd Never."

Sideswipe rolled his optics, and turned to Prowl. " Okay Prowl, I'll start with you."

"Wonderful. The sooner your done, the sooner I can leave."

"That's the spirit! So these diagnosis are for personality disorders and from what I've read, it appears that you have have an obsessive compulsive personality disorder."

"You can't possibly think tha-"

Red Alert gave Prowl a smug smile "Shhh, lets hear him out. "

Prowl frowned, but allowed Sideswipe to continue.

"You have everything organized. Your a perfectionist and everything you do has a sense of Perfectionism about it. Your obsessed with details, rules, lists, order, organization, and schedules. Not to mention working. All your reports are done and on time. Your so proper it's almost scarry. Scratch that, it creeps me the pit out. Like, do you ever relax?"

"Yes. Before you joined the Autobots."

"Ouch. That was harsh, even for you. "

"There's only so much straw a camel can carry before it breaks it's back. "

"I'm gonna pretend I understood that." Sideswipe stated looking at the Second in Command blankly." Moving on, Red you're up!"

Sideswipe looked down at his data pad. " Lets see... you have a Paranoid personality disorder. "

Sunstreaker snorted "Like that wasn't obvious."

"I do not! that is completely impossible! Why-"

"Shhh, let's hear him out. " Prowl said, mimicking Red Alert from earlier.

"You slagger..."

Sideswipe nudged his brother's bond ~ You see that? ~

Amusement came from Sunstreaker's side ~Yeah, looks like Prowl's got an evil streak in him. ~

~ Bet he's amazing at pranks. ~

~ Like_ he'd _ever pull one.~

"Carrying on, you suspect -without any real evidence- that everyone is out to get you, such as exploiting, harming, or deceiving you. Not only the Decepticons but sometimes you belive it's the Autobots too. You read hidden demeaning or threatening meanings in everything. And, finally, you can bear grudges for a really long time."

"Now Sunny's was really easy to find. I could have looked the disorder up in the dictionary and found Sunstreaker as the Definition."

The shiny yellow twin growled " You're suppose to be on my side, not looking up things to put against me! Seriously, Sides. We're from the same spark!".

"I'm not against you, bro. I'm just trying to help you out."

"Some help this is!"

"Sunstreaker. Sit." Ratchet pointed to the last open seat that was free at the table.

"Go frag your self, Ratchet! " But with a couple rude remarks, Sunstreaker did what he was told and sat down beside him.

"Geez if every one going to interrupt me today? Anyway, Sunshine over there has a Narcissistic personality disorder. And that is because... Your egocentric. You have a arrogant and haughty attitude. Your obsessed with the way you look. You think your the hottest thing out there. You even think you look better then _me, _your own _twin_-, even though underneath our armor we look exactly alike!"

" But..." Sunstreaker asked expectantly.

"But, even thought you can be a jerk, I still love your sociopathic, sunflower self."

"And don't you forget it. "

Sunstreaker visibly relaxed and Sideswipe turned his attention to Ratchet.

"So I figured out what all of you guys were... except Ratchet...but then it hit me!"

"Yeah, just like my wrench will if you don't shut your trap."

"Hey, no need for violence. Listen." He cleared his throat, "You...Ratchet... have a crazy medic personality disorder."

"Get over here! I'll show you Crazy!" Ratchet went to grab him.

"Violence is the first action of a limited mind!" Sideswipe yelled, jumping over his chair in order get away from the medic.

Ratchet chased Sideswipe out of the Rec room, a wrench in hand.

For a while, no one said anything.

Sunstreaker was the first to break the awkward silence. "You know when it comes to Ratchet; Sides' might be on to something."

Prowl hummed into his mug of energon. "Agreed."

The Security Director stood up. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have monitors to...umm...monitor."

"Speaking of monitoring. Got any new blackmail?" Sunstreaker asked causally.

"Always, and I'll give you all of the latest, if-"

"If what." The yellow Lamborghini interrupted.

"You help me find a cure for Sideswipe's disorder." Red Alert grinned.

"What's that, the I'm-a-pain-in-the-aft personality disorder?"

Prowl joined in." I am sure you two can try but when it comes to Sideswipe's case, one can only wish for a cure. "

Fallowed by a nod in agreement, a small smile formed on Sunstreaker lips. "So true, so true."

The end


End file.
